I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
