This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
