I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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