I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
