You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
