tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
