Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
