i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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