yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
