there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
