Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
