D3 body, D1 cock
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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