can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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