omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
