I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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