ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
