Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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