Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
