Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
