she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
