also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
