Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
