I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
