No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
