My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
