The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
