i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
