There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
