Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
