did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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