oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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