She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
