he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
