The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think my fart just growled at me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How naked do you want me to be?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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