____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
