Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
