I wish I could teleport
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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