Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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