and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
