I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
