he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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