Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Say something about gay babies.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
