I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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