how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
