Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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