Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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