absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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