just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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