So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
