Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
