can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
