Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
