ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
