the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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